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Saturday, August 30, 2008

Can You Use the Rage That Accompanies Sexual Trauma in a Creative Way?

Male Survivors know rage intimately. Rage can be a resource or a detriment. It can be harnessed with skill or consistently be used as an inappropriate defense mechanism. Some men may bask in it and others may be terrified of the emotion, afraid of how it could negatively manifest. Either way the explosive nature has its roots in the violation.

When you are forced to do something against your will, you feel powerless. As an adult, adverse credit remortgage can show up by approaching the world from a place of

1. Being meek and King James introverted or
2. Having a violent temper and addiction to chaos.

Rage can be oppressively apparent, like a heat source in your body. That in itself can feel powerful. However, do you know how to harness its force?

Hurting Those We Care For

Many times it can be used against those we love in the worst moments. And it scares them. A lot. Outbursts of rage can be followed by the intense guilt of hurting someone close to you.

Paradoxically you may be defensive of expressing the rage as it releases the sense of victimization Gourmet Food Gift Basket is ever so present.

A Sense of Empowerment

The sense of empowerment can bring up confusion as to why you would ever want to let it go. It's as if there is a bond between your body and mind that feels very alive, ready to take on the world. The fear, usually so present, is absent during this time. However, this freedom is short-lived or carries its own sense of overwhelm.

The empowerment is real but its negative impact on others is the problem; the very thing you need to avoid as the repercussions spin you into a cycle of abuse. Guilt and shame may follow an outburst making you feel isolated and misunderstood. You may set yourself up to repeatedly rage at close loved ones in order to complete this cycle, only to find yourself pushing away those who matter most and creating a reputation of a ticking time bomb.

Riding the Rage's Wave

There is a way to use rage in an incredibly creative capacity. There is the option to transform the essence of the feeling into a deep understanding of how you connect with others and yourself on an emotional level.

Do you notice the followings states accompanying an experience of rage?

*Hypervigilance: This is when your awareness of your surroundings is heightened to notice a pin dropping. You are prepared to attack anything and anyone who seems to be a threat.

*Severe Overwhelm: This results when the rage hits a tipping point or peak and stays there. You have a difficult time not feeling pissed off about everything. Its not that you want to be the center of the storm but you feel you have no choice in the matter.

*Bitterness: All who have wronged you are in sharp focus. You revisit the past going through tapes of past hurts and pains ranging from embarrassing to dire humiliation. You play out in your mind how you would take revenge on these perpetrators.

Perhaps even reading the above indications can bring up an uncomfortable sense in your body. Know that the raw emotion itself is not the problem but how you attach it to thoughts and past situations that bring the upheaval.

Hold On a Minute...

"This feeling of rage has so much power. Why would I want to let that go (rid myself of it, suppress it, etc.?"

The raw essence of rage isn't the issue, it's the misuse of power you exalt towards others that is the problem. Remember this power dynamic is exactly what was happening when you were abused. The reason why expressing this anger (without holding anything back) feels so good is because you weren't able to do it at the time of the abuse.

However you can learn how to create healthy boundaries without causing harm or detriment to your close relationships. The goal is to take you out of the roles of victim and perpetrator altogether.

"I don't get how you can use rage creatively. That doesn't seem possible."

When you are in the midst of rage channeling it constructively may not seem possible. There are many ways to bring awareness to the raw feeling so that when you feel the first inclinations of it happening you have a functional system in place. This will provide you with options and choices of how to work with rage successfully.

By tapping into these new avenues of being with rage you create solutions that fit the situation and environment. Imagine being able to take that power and use it towards something that not only benefits yourself, but others as well.

"I'm afraid that if I feel this rage I will spin out of control. I don't trust myself when it comes up."

The crucial word in here is trust. Your trust was violated at the time of the abuse. That distrust can transfer onto your own feeling states and ways of acting "out of control". The purpose of working with rage is not about confronting it but rather befriending the emotion so that you are using its power instead of the rage draining yours.

When you are able to use a systematic approach to feeling rage and using it beneficially you also are able to access other emotional states (some for the very first time) that enable you to deepen your intimate relationships and be in line with your life's work.

Steps to Working with Rage

1. Slow down and breathe. When you get triggered into a rage state you may go on auto-pilot ready to lash out at those around you. Remember no one can take this feeling away from you but you will need to maintain control of it.

Excuse yourself from the situation, find a quiet place and close your eyes. Take deep breaths in and exhale slowly out of your mouth. While you do this monitor where you feel the rage in your body and keep sending breath there.

2. Get Physical. Go for a walk or hike, preferably out in nature. If you can't do this because of the situation try and do some form of cardio-vascular exercise (push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks) for even two minutes. This will help to move the emotion to a new state.

3. Create without Judgment. This is different for everyone. Write, journal, draw, paint, play guitar, sing. The purpose here is not to work on something formal or to get caught up in whether or not you are "creative".

Just go for it with no end result in mind. When you were in kindergarten you were an artist. You didn't need to prove anything. You didn't wonder whether something was good or not. You just did it. If one creative process doesn't work for you try another.

Regardless of what you do for a living this will give you inspiration for how you are in the world. The freedom to create without boundaries can help catapult you towards healing in a way you never thought possible.

What's Next?

Subscribe to my free newsletter at healingthesurvivor.com/ for more helpful information on how to deal effectively with the feeling states that accompany sexual trauma.

My name is Seth tax relief attorney and I am an Intuitive Counselor who works with Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse. You can sign up for my free newsletter at healingthesurvivor.com">Healing the Survivor. You can reach me directly at seth(at)healingthesurvivor.com

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